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4 Tips for Dudes Dating After Divorce

Welcome to the wild west. A world of bots and swiping sharks.

You’ve just divorced and you’re out of a marriage. Done and done. Or maybe you’ve just come out of a long term relationship. Welcome to the brave new world of singledom. Oh, and potentially, you were married before the advent of dating apps. This is now the wild west, a new adventure. A world of bots and swiping sharks. Seemingly lost in a dessert of prickly interactions and meaningless matches.

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Online dating can be frustrating and time consuming, with limited if any results. Or maybe you just don’t know where to start.

In the meantime, what you’ve gone through with the divorce has left you exhausted and fed up. This is your chance to embrace the step forward and start to look at this as a new adventure. This includes how you’ll approach online dating. 

Here are 5 things to keep in mind as you venture out into the world of online dating.

1.  Do some research on which online dating solutions make the most sense for you and your goals.

The overall process will require some patience. But do come up with a way to manage things. Keep the focus on your short term and long term goals.

Choose the dating app with features that best fit your lifestyle and what you’re looking for in a partner.

Some apps are best suited for hookups while others are better for those looking for serious relationships. Others seem to have a lot of creeps.

2. Running into almost no matches on your apps?

When this starts to happen, things can get really frustrating.

It could be a few things. One of the most significant issues come from the algorithms that are set up on these apps.

Some people rise up in the ranks because of how many people swiped right on (“liked”) you, but that was weighted based on who the swiper was.

The more right swipes that person had, the more their right swipe on you meant for your score. It's not like that for every app, but it's hard to know which ones will work for you.

Other issues might be your pictures! Or how you’re interacting with the matches that do come up.

Our team can move you out of that potential category where things start to look a little “broken.”

3. When you do go on a date, don’t leave it to your new date to be your therapist.

Although it might be tempting to pull that positive attention from another when dating or messaging with matches online, this distraction can actually slow you down.

  • Set aside the all-important task of doing some healing work so you can move forward healthily in your new future.
  • Take care of yourself after a divorce. This can help you reclaim your sense of worth and value. This often suffers in the aftermath of a split, especially if it was messy.
  • Make the effort! Go to work early, hit the gym, volunteer, make time for friends.

Sorting through these hurdles might not be easy for everyone. We get that. But the reward will be worth it! It’s not easy to reignite some of the habits. But the upside is real! Dive in. Own your future.

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4. Look at each interaction or date as a chance to learn more about yourself.
Stop comparing a new person to your ex.

Too often people think that if they correct the things their previous spouse complained about, then this new person will be happy. The good news is, you can be yourself.

It’s a powerful feeling when you realize this person might just like you for who you are. And that’s the way it should be.

In our experience, when a male client discusses how his behaviours impacted the marriage, it shows empathy toward the ex. We take this as a good sign that he’s evolved and can move forward in his new relationships more successfully.

Our Dating Coaches work with men and women coming out of a long relationship. Guiding them, setting them up for successful dating, and providing them with tips to “own” this new adventure.

when a male client discusses how his behaviours impacted the marriage, it shows empathy toward the ex. We take this as a good sign that he's evolved and can move forward in his new relationships more successfully.

Try getting out for different types of exercise to change your routine

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!

The hard truth is that the longer you’re on an app, the worse the options get.

What does that mean? It means, you’ve been swiping too much, and you’re not really working on making an authentic effort. It’s time to get real.

Work with a professional. Get your strategy organized and set up so you can beat the system.

The team at Shift Dating knows how to work the apps to your advantage. Bios and pictures really matter at the end of the day.

Here’s something that will perk you up a bit. According to the Marriage Foundation, second marriages are more likely to succeed than first marriages — 50 percent more likely. Several factors play out here, including age and the experience of going through a first marriage.

Join the growing list of happy clients who already have a head start.

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