Online Dating Apps Don't Work For Most of Us. Here's Why.

The world of online dating has nuances you never imagined.

Anita Sedgwick
July 7, 2020

Remember bars? They feel like a relic of a bygone era– the Before Times when we could cram into a room full of dozens, if not hundreds, of strangers.

While the chances of making a real romantic connection were always slim, they’re now a big fat zero.

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Online dating can be frustrating and time consuming, with limited if any results. Or maybe you just don’t know where to start.

Social distancing measures make it all but impossible to meet a special someone offline. This is obviously unwelcome news for online dating holdouts.

But the COVID-19 crisis comes at a time when even dating app devotees are fatigued and disillusioned with the process.

Once you’re in the right place, there are proven strategies for getting quality matches.

These feelings are understandable. Keep these in mind to remember it’s not all you:

Most dating apps and sites are based on broken algorithms that prioritize business goals over relationship goals.
There are scores of unwritten rules and the entire ordeal can feel hopeless– particularly for users who’ve spent years swiping right and filling out compatibility questionnaires to no avail.
Rather than give up entirely or wait for social distancing to end, savvy singles can use this time to rethink their online dating strategy.
It’s the perfect opportunity to toss aside bad habits and take a data-driven approach.

It’s key to be very clear about what you’re looking for, whether that’s a committed relationship, casual fling, or future hookup.

People will come out of this crisis with better matches.

We’re seeing a greater commitment to getting to know each other. The option to just meet up after 3 days of chatting are over. It’s a longer get-to-know-you process.

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The first step is to make sure you’re on the right site or app to achieve your goals.

The team at Shift Dating has spent time researching and compiling data, algorithm models, and the demographics of each service.

If you want to find a guy who needs to get married, then eHarmony might be your place.

But if you can be a bit more strategic about it, we recommend OkCupid, Match, or Bumble.

When it comes to photos, the old adage “a picture is worth a thousand words” still stands.

Once you’re in the right place, there are proven strategies for getting quality matches. Our team dives right in and gets you on a better trajectory. Part of that includes simple things like having a profile set up that gets the double takes that people just are getting right now.

It’s key to be very clear about what you’re looking for, whether that’s a committed relationship, casual fling, or future hookup.

And when it comes to photos, the old adage “a picture is worth a thousand words” still stands.

Even with the perfect photo lineup, don’t make the cardinal sin of leaving your bio blank.

Let’s be super clear –guys never read bios. Period.

So we tell our female clients that their pictures have to do all of the talking and to show multiple aspects of their personality. Even if it means being a bit stereotypical or cheesy, get a picture doing something like riding a motorcycle or doing karaoke.

It’s really important to show that you can be adventurous, that you’re curious, that you have a social life, and a strong sense of self-confidence.

On the flip side, men should avoid donning suits in their lead photo. Save the business attire for the second shot and instead wear something more approachable that speaks to your individual personality and lifestyle. Ideally, at least one picture should provide an easy talking point whether that be travel, pets, or sports.

Even with the perfect photo lineup, don’t make the cardinal sin of leaving your bio blank. According to Tinder’s vice president of branding and communications, Rosette Pambakian, men with empty bios are 98 percent less likely to make a match.

Once a match is made, express genuine interest without sounding like you’re interviewing a potential employee.

Data shows algorithms frown on users who open with a brief “Hi!” or wave emoji, and open-ended questions are preferable to yes-or-no ones. Focus on a few quality matches and resist the temptation to overswipe– another big algorithmic faux pas. While no one wants to seem overeager, don’t leave messages unanswered for more than 24 hours.

The 20-minute commitment gives you an excuse to leave.

When it comes to taking the next step, the Shift team always encourages virtual meetups before progressing to in-person dates.

But in the midst of COVID-19, they’re absolutely essential.

Our team recommends a 20-minute video chat for the ideal first meeting.

If it’s working and you’re getting the right feeling, schedule a follow update. If you run out of things to talk about, the 20-minute commitment gives you an excuse to leave.

Second and third virtual dates can include activities like sharing a bottle of wine, cooking together, or the classic Netflix and chill movie night. If things are going well, matches can consider a social distanced walk or hike.

This slower pace forces people to focus on quality over quantity– an approach supported by research. The key to online dating isn’t looking like Kylie Jenner or making hundreds of matches; it’s taking the time to find and engage the right person.

As long as you’re willing to make the effort and stick to a data-backed strategy, anyone can succeed.

Clients that work with our team here at Shift Dating get to see first hand how we work the machine to their advantage. And they love the results!